Ten sentences, 271 words. The man who spoke them felt his speech was a big flop. When he finished, the applause did not begin immediately and was not enthusiastic. However, the impact of those 271 words took root in the minds and hearts of those who heard them, and that speech became the vision of unity for a country torn by civil war.
Most of us can quote the beginning of that speech 158 years later: “Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.”
Our 16th President of the United States did not speak those ten sentences to be popular, he spoke what was on his heart. And therein lies the power and endurance of his words.
Sometimes, I think we forget that once our words leave our mouth, they take on a life of their own. It is a huge responsibility to give birth to ideas that may or may not be founded in truth. Let’s not live by the motto If it feels good, say it.
Everyone needs encouragement and affirmation more than they need or want our opinion. If you didn’t ask for my opinion, then I need to keep my opinion to myself, unless, of course, you’re my husband. He needs my opinion more than he thinks he does. 😉
As soon as we utter a piece of unsolicited criticism, sometimes labeled as our opinion, I wish a special mirror would pop up and reveal our own equally horrendous faults. We just might realize that there is too much work to do in our own lives before we point out a fault of someone else.
Better yet, I wish that mirror would pop up before we utter the criticism. If we would take a few seconds to glance in that mirror, I dare say the words would die on our lips and never live to see the light of day. Yet, that mirror only pops up if we choose to hold it up, and we rarely do, so we continue to sling our criticism will-nilly, without much thought. After all, we do have a right to our opinion, don’t we? Of course, but it should be expressed with prudence.
Once our words leave our mouth, they take on a life of their own. It doesn’t matter if we have a Shakespeare-sized vocabulary or a basic, ordinary vocabulary, the words we speak (or write) are no longer just words; they are messages that are usually saturated with emotion. Emotion adheres to our words, either naturally through our word-choice or are created by our tone; it is what brings the word to life.
In an effort to justify our demeaning remarks, we sometimes do a very poor job of explaining our intent. Looking at the assembled letters on a page we say, well, there’s nothing wrong with what I said. However, when combined with our tone of voice, our facial expression, and the intent of our heart, those innocuous words can become harmful, sometimes even deadly.
When we realize that our negative words are running rampant, we then have a decision to make:
1. Continue to be insensitive by pretending we weren’t being critical
2. Insist the person had it coming
3. Humble ourselves, admit our arrogance, and apologize for any hurt that was caused Okay, let’s correct that: apologize for the hurt that was caused
4. Not make a choice = choosing the first option (I love it when I can incorporate math!)
It doesn’t matter how tough the other person seems, criticism for the sake of criticism inflicts pain. While some individuals can withstand a lot of hurtful comments, there are also fragile souls walking amongst us who have withstood all the hurt their hearts can handle. We don’t always know which type of person we have hurt; some people hide their fragility extremely well.
No matter how hard we try to pull back our words, they remain in the heard status; we humans have a lot of power, but we cannot unhear something. The words of unnecessary criticism run around in the recipient’s mind and heart with tiny little swords, inflicting pain over and over. Our mindless and nocuous chatter instigates a battle in the other person’s mind.
The best-case scenario is when a genuine apology is given, without solicitation, to assist in the healing process. The worst-case scenario is when a genuine apology is never spoken, and the person is left to fight the spreading damage alone. In either case, several internal battles occur before the pain goes into remission or dies completely. Always, there is a scar.
We never know the level of collateral damage caused by our negative words once they have left the privacy of our mind and been sent through the doors of our lips. Apologies mitigate, but they don’t erase the pain.
Likewise, we never know the full impact of our positive, affirming, or encouraging words. We don’t need 271 words to give a gift someone desperately needs. Whatever we say most likely will not be remembered. How someone felt when we said it will.
I don’t ever fully know the impact of my words once they leave my mouth, but I do know it can be amaranthine, which means unfading and everlasting.
If you communicate primarily through text and social media, please be especially sensitive. I have to tell you that sometimes I stop scrolling on Facebook when I read horrible messages people post in an effort to prove they are right about an issue. When those types of statements are from someone I love, my faith in humanity falters a bit and I feel pain, almost as if I was the target of the comments.
Words coming through a keyboard should not be weapons of destruction any more than our words emitting from our lips when our eyes are looking into the eyes of a fellow human.
Words Matter. Communicate responsibly.
One Response
Donna, I have always enjoyed reading your stories. There is usually some great humor in each one but there is usually a good message in every one of them. However, in this blog it gripped me right from the beginning that this one was a heartfelt and serious message to all of us. Your words were profound and stuck like glue in my head and heart.
Please don’t ever stop writing and story-telling.